Back in 2010 I was doing a job in Bonney Lake. It was in an upper middle class neighborhood that was very quiet and sleepy save for the inflatable holiday lawn ornament wars they had going on there. Ya you know, those stupid inflatable turkeys and pilgrims and igloos etc that people put up on their lawns to "celebrate" the day.. I hate those little F*&$ers.. They keep scaring Pearl my herding dog. I would take her on her little poop walk and one would be deflated on somebodies lawn then all of a sudden they would come to life and inflate as we were walking by them and Pearl absolutely lost it! It was like running the gauntlet getting past one then having another grotesquely come to life as we walked by.. This was on Thanksgiving mind you not Halloween but they were equally as scary.
Anyway.. we were in the neighborhood clearing an acre lot of 500 mile high blackberry and it was colder than snot out. We were nearing the end of our 14 days there and I was living in my truck with the king cab as this was before the new travel trailer. I had gotten pretty comfortable there so I had kinda let my guard down. I would spend my days snuggled in the truck usually doing computer work etc.
So this very cold night I almost had pearl sleep in the truck with me instead of the livestock trailer as I thought we could snuggle so I could stay warm. I decided against it because I knew she would not let me sleep. Sleeping with Pearl is like sleeping with a stalker.. She just stares at me like 2 inches from my face and every time I move at all she starts to wiggle and wants to crawl into my mouth. It is not pleasant. So I decided to bed her down in the trailer..Big Mistake!
I was buried in my mummy sleeping bag with all my clothes on including my coat. The only thing I did not have on was my shoes. My head was inside the bad as well as my face would get cold otherwise. At some late hour while dead asleep I heard a noise? it was a little bell going ding,ding,ding..I was so asleep that it became part of the dream I was having but I did slightly start to awaken.. Next thing a light came on ? I was like where am I ? I didn't remember I was in my truck right away and then I started to realize that I was. Then my mind went "why is there dinging and a light"? Then my next thought was I am in my truck that is the door alarm telling me the door had been opened!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I pulled my head out of the bag just in time to see some dude crawling into the front of my truck.! I felt that split second of terror as my thought went to "what is he going to do to me"? Then I saw RED!
Let me explain. When I get scared I get mad and when I get mad I can see red and when I see red my brains shut of f and I become like a lizard.. Lizard brain kicks in and I basically then cannot recognize who or what I am. In this case I screamed some ungodly scream that went something like this.."GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY TRUCK"! the voice that came out of me was not mine . It was some lion or amazon or ninja turtle or something but it was not mine. This all went down in a couple of seconds mind you. When I screamed the dude about shit himself. He did not know I was in there. His eyes about popped out of his head. He looked like a loony tune character as he finished what he was in there to do. That was, to steal my computer sitting on the console. He grabbed it with expert precision and speed , yanked it out ripping the power cord out and exited the vehicle..
I was a maniac.. The only thing I could think was "I just spent days reformatting my computer and losing all my saved passwords and I AM NOT! going to do that again.. That was all I could think and I was not going to just roll over and let him have it.. You might be thinking OOOOkayyyyy????
Burglar Dude jumped into a get away car and they sped off down the block. I grabbed my cell phone, opened the truck door and jumped out onto the ground in my sleeping bag, mummy F-ing bag and managed to dial 911 before I hit the ground. You see I had one critical piece of info the at burglar dude did not... They went down a dead end road and would have to come back past me to escape.. SO, I pealed myself out of the blasted bag like a banana out of its peel. Kicked it off my stocking feet and stood in the road waiting for them to come back.. Sure enough the car approached and what did I do .. Well you know like any lizard brained creature would I stood smack dab int he middle of the road and waved my arms to stop them.. Yup you heard it right, I stool my ground in my socks and would not let them pass.. I was successful for a very short period of time and the car came to a stop with my hands on the hood. I looked them both in the eyes and said GIVE ME MY FUCKING COMPUTER!!!!!.
They did not comply so I said it again LOUDER!.. They just started lurching the car at me and I banged on the hood.. Now they got even more aggressive and finally my sand, rational , human brain came back online and I thought "is this worth getting killed for" Uhhhhh nope. So.I stepped aside. As the car squealed it tires and began to move past me I was pissed as hell. The passenger side window started by me and burglar dudes face was in the window with this look of shear terror on it.. I took my fist and smashed it sideways into the window right where his face was as they sped by.. Amazingly I did not break the window or my hand.. As they passed me I heard my phone a voice coming from it saying Hello, Hello.. I thought Hello? Who the hell did I call 911 doesn't answer the phone saying Hello. I put it to my ear just as the license plates of the care were passing me and just in time to distract me from getting the numbers on the plate..Who is this I said ? "This is 911 what are you reporting"?
Needles to say I never saw that computer again..You know what they say "l
Anyway.. we were in the neighborhood clearing an acre lot of 500 mile high blackberry and it was colder than snot out. We were nearing the end of our 14 days there and I was living in my truck with the king cab as this was before the new travel trailer. I had gotten pretty comfortable there so I had kinda let my guard down. I would spend my days snuggled in the truck usually doing computer work etc.
So this very cold night I almost had pearl sleep in the truck with me instead of the livestock trailer as I thought we could snuggle so I could stay warm. I decided against it because I knew she would not let me sleep. Sleeping with Pearl is like sleeping with a stalker.. She just stares at me like 2 inches from my face and every time I move at all she starts to wiggle and wants to crawl into my mouth. It is not pleasant. So I decided to bed her down in the trailer..Big Mistake!
I was buried in my mummy sleeping bag with all my clothes on including my coat. The only thing I did not have on was my shoes. My head was inside the bad as well as my face would get cold otherwise. At some late hour while dead asleep I heard a noise? it was a little bell going ding,ding,ding..I was so asleep that it became part of the dream I was having but I did slightly start to awaken.. Next thing a light came on ? I was like where am I ? I didn't remember I was in my truck right away and then I started to realize that I was. Then my mind went "why is there dinging and a light"? Then my next thought was I am in my truck that is the door alarm telling me the door had been opened!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I pulled my head out of the bag just in time to see some dude crawling into the front of my truck.! I felt that split second of terror as my thought went to "what is he going to do to me"? Then I saw RED!
Let me explain. When I get scared I get mad and when I get mad I can see red and when I see red my brains shut of f and I become like a lizard.. Lizard brain kicks in and I basically then cannot recognize who or what I am. In this case I screamed some ungodly scream that went something like this.."GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY TRUCK"! the voice that came out of me was not mine . It was some lion or amazon or ninja turtle or something but it was not mine. This all went down in a couple of seconds mind you. When I screamed the dude about shit himself. He did not know I was in there. His eyes about popped out of his head. He looked like a loony tune character as he finished what he was in there to do. That was, to steal my computer sitting on the console. He grabbed it with expert precision and speed , yanked it out ripping the power cord out and exited the vehicle..
I was a maniac.. The only thing I could think was "I just spent days reformatting my computer and losing all my saved passwords and I AM NOT! going to do that again.. That was all I could think and I was not going to just roll over and let him have it.. You might be thinking OOOOkayyyyy????
Burglar Dude jumped into a get away car and they sped off down the block. I grabbed my cell phone, opened the truck door and jumped out onto the ground in my sleeping bag, mummy F-ing bag and managed to dial 911 before I hit the ground. You see I had one critical piece of info the at burglar dude did not... They went down a dead end road and would have to come back past me to escape.. SO, I pealed myself out of the blasted bag like a banana out of its peel. Kicked it off my stocking feet and stood in the road waiting for them to come back.. Sure enough the car approached and what did I do .. Well you know like any lizard brained creature would I stood smack dab int he middle of the road and waved my arms to stop them.. Yup you heard it right, I stool my ground in my socks and would not let them pass.. I was successful for a very short period of time and the car came to a stop with my hands on the hood. I looked them both in the eyes and said GIVE ME MY FUCKING COMPUTER!!!!!.
They did not comply so I said it again LOUDER!.. They just started lurching the car at me and I banged on the hood.. Now they got even more aggressive and finally my sand, rational , human brain came back online and I thought "is this worth getting killed for" Uhhhhh nope. So.I stepped aside. As the car squealed it tires and began to move past me I was pissed as hell. The passenger side window started by me and burglar dudes face was in the window with this look of shear terror on it.. I took my fist and smashed it sideways into the window right where his face was as they sped by.. Amazingly I did not break the window or my hand.. As they passed me I heard my phone a voice coming from it saying Hello, Hello.. I thought Hello? Who the hell did I call 911 doesn't answer the phone saying Hello. I put it to my ear just as the license plates of the care were passing me and just in time to distract me from getting the numbers on the plate..Who is this I said ? "This is 911 what are you reporting"?
Needles to say I never saw that computer again..You know what they say "l
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